I’ve mulled over a couple of ideas in a previous post about why this condition is still in our genes after millions of years. It must have some purpose that can be beneficial in some specific situations, but what on earth could these situations be?
In my previous post I speculated about what use an episode of psychosis might be to a tribe living among other tribes. I’ve had another idea though, about how these seemingly useless states of mind might come in handy for an individual in certain extreme circumstances.
Don’t forget that I’m not an expert and that this is a thought experiment. But here goes:
Imagine that you are the victim of family scapegoat abuse, or something awful like that, or that you are being kept prisoner in some way in a restrictive family/community/society that ensures that you are just too afraid to voice your demands for fairness and freedom in any way, for fear of real repercussions. Your logical mind has been through all the options, and can see no realistic way out.
Your thinking, logical prefrontal lobes go through it all again. You play back memories, previous scenes and their accompanying emotions. You play back previous attempts to reason with the people who are stopping you from being free to engage with the world in your own way. You mull over the outcomes from these interactions, what didn’t go well, what made the situation worse.
You go through some new ideas, turning them over in your head. You imagine various scenes playing out, what people are likely to say or do, based on what you know about them. Based on this learned experience, you decide that these new plans are not going to work for you either. Your calculus inside your logical prefrontal cortex is now done. There are just too many factors conspiring against success. Your executive function has made an executive decision. There are too many very real risks to your physical and emotional safety if you try to escape.
Now your brain turns to how you will fare if you stay and do nothing. Now you have a real dilemma. There are too many very real risks to your physical and emotional safety if you give up and stay. It’s much more dangerous to go. It’s much more dangerous to stay. Both decisions are right. What to do next?
This is when, perhaps, our logical systems decide to do a drastic “turn it off and on again” emergency short-out and divine intervention is called. Rational thinking is now off. It HAS to be OFF for this last resort plan to work. If you have even the slightest doubt that you are not Superman/Jesus/Wonderwoman/(Insert chosen Godlike figure) or that you are possibly not being commanded by God/Angels/Demons/Telekinesis from powerful beings, forces and networks, then you will not move because it’s too risky. You could lose everything.
And sometimes you do. Sometimes you end up back where you started, worse than before. People who really have just been ill find themselves back to a secure place after all, and bashfully begin tidying up the aftermath of being ill, and apologising to everyone for the trauma of the experience and its fallout for everyone.
But sometimes the psychotic break changes everything. Sometimes in a bad way. People can become estranged, and lost security can create homelessness and getting trapped in a welfare system that adds to their problems and compounds their illness. Independent living can be hard on low skilled contract and shift work, and it can be hard to hold a job down if your mind is foggy and dissociating on a regular basis. People mourn the person who could achieve anything with superpowers.
Sometimes, though, it can save your life and give you a chance to start again. And maybe this could be why, despite our longing for love, respect, acceptance, stability, meaningful work and good company, we just can’t get rid of that part of us that yearns for super-powered action to give us that extra something.
This is all just guesswork, of course, but I think the similarities between different delusions of powerful assistance or persecution point to something deeper in us that must be linked to our survival as individuals that might go right into our DNA. What do you think?
Sarah, I appreciate your effort in using Substack and your publication to inform others of your relationship with psychosis. I imagine it’s a challenging experience to articulate. I admire your courage in sharing your personal experiences and insights.
I often feel overwhelmed by how much I still need to learn, especially regarding the connections between psychosis, trauma, belief systems—whether they’re religious or not—and the ways we find strategies to cope. It seems these elements can intersect in both profound and yet overwhelming ways. My own experience with ketamine, while different, offered me a glimpse into altered states of consciousness that had spiritual undertones. This was not something I had anticipated nor welcomed. Reconciling encounters with archangels and spiritual entities with the realities of my lived experience with my own trauma remains not only a struggle, but a mystery to me. Right now, I find myself in a place of uncertainty. I don't know what to believe when it comes to brain functioning and the imagery that it creates. For what purpose?
I wonder how neuroscience, spirituality, and lived experiences might provide deeper understanding. That might offer me a sense of resolution. While it may not be possible to weave a single, cohesive narrative, I believe these kinds of conversations are vital and worth pursuing. I haven't encountered a framework that encompasses everything, but maybe that's part of what makes it so important to keep asking questions. It’s an exploration of the mystery. I'm not sure science has all the answers.